I can clearly remember 'Christmas' in my youth essentially spanning the whole month of December. Due to a combination of childhood greed and anticipation; a birthday and Christmas double extravaganza; and a general buying into of the holiday spirit and tradition - by the time the first of the last month rolled around, I was usually out of my head with excitment.
There is a specific age range as a kid where everyone in your family, extended or otherwise, considers you young enough to still buy gifts for. Therefore I can remember clearly that in the first week of December, the parcels for me would start arriving in the mail. Even though they were days early, I would beg and plead to open them, and often got away with it. Now, the real thrill was that even as the 7th approached and past, the packages often continued to come regardless of whether it was the week prior, of, or after the day of my birth.
It was usually for some simple reason, such as trying to reduce their postage, but not infrequently my birthday presents that arrived later, from relatives further abroad, would be nonchalantly harmonized with Christmas presents also intended for my chubby, all consuming paws. Thus, the effect became that December was my month, my Birthday and Christmas were obviously deeply linked, and that the greatest alias for the twelfth month that ever should have crossed your mind was 'gift month for Sean'.
Needless to say, my perspective has changed fairly drastically. The old cliche that giving is more satisfying than receiving is certainly true - but when you couple it with my disenfranchisement in religion and a general contentment with my age current, then the reason for the season was sort of lost to me. New birthdays no longer unlock privledge and responsibility, the holiday holds little spirituality for me, and I no longer need tubs of lego to pass the time. The consequence is that I've been given a blank slate for the definiton of the holiday season:
The holidays for me are a time to be with the people you like, drinking spiked coffee, and taking that little bit of pleasure out of giving to another. No, I'm not big on corporate Christmas, or Jesus Christmas, but I am big on Christmas being a little looser in definition. Therefore, I wish you a very merry Christmas, regardless of how you spend it! The holidays are what you make of them - so I'll see what I can do.
I feel like the pressure is really on to get the most of these last few days in Canada. I am just twelve days away from leaving for Africa, and I won't say I'm scared, but I can feel a energy building in me. The scariest thing isn't that I'm going, but that it still hasn't really hit me that I am - and it probably won't until I'm on that plane at a 45 degree angle, watching the ground disappear. Packing is being finalized, and everything is falling into place - it is about time to adopt my game face.
Game Face
def. a confident swagger you bring out when you are getting ready to tackle something difficult, or when you are about to take on a challange. Or when you are getting down to buisness.
Thanks for reading and Merry Christmas,
Sean
Friday, December 24, 2010
Thursday, December 2, 2010
Guilty!
One of the most annoying things in this world is guilt. I don't regret that I may have a stupidly large capacity to feel empathy and remorse - but I hate the hold that such a basic feeling can have over me.
If you're anything like me, guilt can be used like a giant hammer to smash your stalwart decisions to bits, regardless of how firmly you've made up your mind. I could be saving the world from cyborg-Nazis and all it would take is robotic Hitler shedding a tear and explaining how "stopping my regime does not compute" for me to pause and reconsider my actions. Sorry robo-Hitler, my bad!
Anyways, this was kind of put in perspective today when I was forced to cope with the magnitude of the hold guilt has on me. In preperation for our grand trip to Africa, my sister and I set out for Mountain Equipment Coop, greedily ventureing out to load up on cool gear.
The main objective of my visit was to buy new hiking boots. I had bought some boots almost a year prior that came with me to Peru - but I gave them a rough ride, and they are in paticularily rough shape (they're also ugly, uncomfortable and smell like rotting corpses).
Hiking boots fall into that exciting category of footwear, in that you usually own them just long enough that you really want to buy the right pair. As a consequence I had studied up on the selection online and firmly came to a decision on what I was going to buy - before even stepping into the store.
So, as you can imagine, I paraded into the store and gleefully marched to the boots. I plucked the demo pair of my prize from the wall and held it over my head like I had just won the heavy weight belt of professional kick assery.
If you're anything like me, guilt can be used like a giant hammer to smash your stalwart decisions to bits, regardless of how firmly you've made up your mind. I could be saving the world from cyborg-Nazis and all it would take is robotic Hitler shedding a tear and explaining how "stopping my regime does not compute" for me to pause and reconsider my actions. Sorry robo-Hitler, my bad!
Anyways, this was kind of put in perspective today when I was forced to cope with the magnitude of the hold guilt has on me. In preperation for our grand trip to Africa, my sister and I set out for Mountain Equipment Coop, greedily ventureing out to load up on cool gear.
The main objective of my visit was to buy new hiking boots. I had bought some boots almost a year prior that came with me to Peru - but I gave them a rough ride, and they are in paticularily rough shape (they're also ugly, uncomfortable and smell like rotting corpses).
Hiking boots fall into that exciting category of footwear, in that you usually own them just long enough that you really want to buy the right pair. As a consequence I had studied up on the selection online and firmly came to a decision on what I was going to buy - before even stepping into the store.
So, as you can imagine, I paraded into the store and gleefully marched to the boots. I plucked the demo pair of my prize from the wall and held it over my head like I had just won the heavy weight belt of professional kick assery.
Like any smart consumer, I did the obvious thing and turned to the closest sales representative to ask them what they would recommend. This was so that I could reach my quota of highfives, compliments on how awesome I am, and to watch them grab the manager so that he could beg me to work there. Everyone wants super-informed-consumer-Sean on their staff!
The sales representative, henceforth refered to as Randal, happened to be an elderly man, possibly in his late sixities, with a strong german accent and a penchant for making awkward eye contact. Randal was a soul searcher - that is to say that he reached into your eyes with his locked-in glare, until he found your soul and forcefully yanked it out. Persumably to feed on it for sustenance.
With much conviction and enthusiasm I gave Randal the quick run-down on what I needed the boots for, all the while holding up my prized jewel and leaning in for the congratulatory back pat. You can imagine then that I was a little distraught when Randal snatched it from my hand and made a quick, barely understandable quip, the sole intelligable word being "flimsy", and shoved it back into it's holder. Instead, pawing another boot from the wall that was "sturdier" and about as appealing to look at as fecal matter.
Crushed. Thanks Randal - you elderly-german-soul-crushing monster.
So inevitably I ended up trying them both on, and much to my pleasure Randal's selection was about as comfortable as wearing hollowed out bricks. Conversely, I am awesome at knowing what is great, and my selection felt like running in clouds that were lined with velvet and rainbows.
This photo by Jessica Tekenos. It is win.
However, as I was leaving the section with box in hand, I had the unfortunate task of telling Randal that I didn't want to go with his suggestion. This is where the guilt thing comes in - why do I feel so impeccably bad for not taking the advice of a random stranger?
Now, Randal probably didn't give a shit that I had chosen another boot than the one he recommended - but to me he looked like this:
Here I was on the precipice of buying something that I genuinely wanted, and froze, considering running back to Randal - begging him to let me try on the ones he had advised.
Fuck you Randal! Why do you get this control over me?! Thankfully, I bought the boots I wanted the whole time:
Guilt sucks. I do not like that it can so easily make me stop dead and reconsider sure things! As someone that usually feels pretty confident in their actions, its impact is unnerving.
Ridiculous.
Thanks for Reading,
Sean
Friday, November 26, 2010
Child's Play
It has been almost three full months now since I started taking to the ice as an assistant hockey coach - and so far I can't say I'm disappointed. Children are a curious thing, in that there is so much we can learn from working from them. Now, I can't claim that I have a lot of experience with kids in a teaching capacity, but in such a short time I've already learned a great deal. Since I have an interest in doing some work down the road in the TESL industry, it is valuable to me to be as perceptive as possible.
When we are kids, we try so hard to have our opinions and ideas listened to, yet as soon as we become validated adults we are quick to ignore and downplay the voices of the youth. The children that I coach are young enough that they still remain almost completely unbiased by society. The advantage of this is that a lot of the behaviour and ideas exhibited from them come out unfiltered and raw. With this in mind, I would like to take the time to share some of the thoughts and insights I have garnered through my time spent coaching six-year olds:
Children are indestructable.
Don't take this the wrong way. I'm by no means telling you to fight children or blow them up - yet in a weird way, kids are a lot tougher than their adult counterparts. I'm not sure if it's because they are so close to the ground, or that often they are wearing a lot of padded equipment, but some of the collisions and hits I've seen these little kids shake off is incredible.
This is important to keep in mind. In a world that seems to be coming increasingly more nerf-like and padded, sometimes telling them to "walk it off" is still the best way to deal with a crying child. If a kid is crying, I'll ask them if they'll live. The answer is usually yes.
Children want to be listened to.
This is something I learned the value of first hand. There is a paticular kid that comes out to practice who is often distracted and unresponsive. Through the first few weeks I found this quite annoying - as he was often skating in circles and trying to tell me things while I was making an attempt at running a drill. With not much else working, I finally started listening to what he was trying to tell me. He was more than obliged to tell me about the hole in his glove and how he had some how managed to flip his mouth guard to have it rest uncomfortably over his bottom teeth.
Amazingly enough, the simple act of saying something so basic as "oh yeah?" or demonstrating how the palm on my hockey gloves are a ravaged tribute to their former glory was enough to make him a little more respondant. I listened to him, so he would listen to me.
Different things motivate different kids differently. (The redudancy was implied!)
Although it seems pretty self explanitory - the ability to be perceptive enough to figure out how to motivate individual kids is a tough job. How a kid responds to what you ask them to do is completely context dependant. Some kids want to be the best, no exceptions - and with these kids you have to make things seem inherently competitve. "I bet you can do the drill faster than every other kid!". Other children simply want to do something to the best of their abilities, and instead you would say "you did this well last time, lets try and do it even better!".
Then of course, there are my favourite kind that just want that sense of belonging. They want to feel like they are part of that group, and have the chance to participate with their peers. These are perhaps the easiest to motivate, as they seem to be at their peak just being there. I have over simplified, of course, but the point has been made - trying to figure out how to individually motivate a crowd of children on skates can be a daunting task.
Sometimes children are ridiculous.
This is one of the truest things I have ever said. This is neither good or bad, it just simply is (allbeit frustrating at times). I've heard these kids say things that are hilarious, and often shouldn't be encouraged, and yet can not refrain from laughing. During a paticular practice, I was promptly informed by one of the players that the drill we were doing was 'poo'. To reiterate the point so that I firmly understood his stance on the task at hand, he began spelling it out to me in song: "P-O-O!". How do you not laugh? Yet for the integrity of the drill and the practice as a whole, I can't encourage it - so I have to skate away smiling, and hope they didn't see me crack.
I've been growled at and hissed at, slashed in the back of skates. I've been told very firmly that I "am going down, punk" and whole heartedly convinced that a line of kids had come down with something paticularily potent - as they all seemed to have broken out into uncontrollable wiggles, not a single one among them able to stand still.
Conversley I have been told I was their favourite coach, told I was loved, and attack hugged while not paying attention. When the bad is good and the good is pretty good, then I consider myself fairly lucky to have this oppurtunity to coach.
When we are kids, we try so hard to have our opinions and ideas listened to, yet as soon as we become validated adults we are quick to ignore and downplay the voices of the youth. The children that I coach are young enough that they still remain almost completely unbiased by society. The advantage of this is that a lot of the behaviour and ideas exhibited from them come out unfiltered and raw. With this in mind, I would like to take the time to share some of the thoughts and insights I have garnered through my time spent coaching six-year olds:
Children are indestructable.
Don't take this the wrong way. I'm by no means telling you to fight children or blow them up - yet in a weird way, kids are a lot tougher than their adult counterparts. I'm not sure if it's because they are so close to the ground, or that often they are wearing a lot of padded equipment, but some of the collisions and hits I've seen these little kids shake off is incredible.
This is important to keep in mind. In a world that seems to be coming increasingly more nerf-like and padded, sometimes telling them to "walk it off" is still the best way to deal with a crying child. If a kid is crying, I'll ask them if they'll live. The answer is usually yes.
Children want to be listened to.
This is something I learned the value of first hand. There is a paticular kid that comes out to practice who is often distracted and unresponsive. Through the first few weeks I found this quite annoying - as he was often skating in circles and trying to tell me things while I was making an attempt at running a drill. With not much else working, I finally started listening to what he was trying to tell me. He was more than obliged to tell me about the hole in his glove and how he had some how managed to flip his mouth guard to have it rest uncomfortably over his bottom teeth.
Amazingly enough, the simple act of saying something so basic as "oh yeah?" or demonstrating how the palm on my hockey gloves are a ravaged tribute to their former glory was enough to make him a little more respondant. I listened to him, so he would listen to me.
Different things motivate different kids differently. (The redudancy was implied!)
Although it seems pretty self explanitory - the ability to be perceptive enough to figure out how to motivate individual kids is a tough job. How a kid responds to what you ask them to do is completely context dependant. Some kids want to be the best, no exceptions - and with these kids you have to make things seem inherently competitve. "I bet you can do the drill faster than every other kid!". Other children simply want to do something to the best of their abilities, and instead you would say "you did this well last time, lets try and do it even better!".
Then of course, there are my favourite kind that just want that sense of belonging. They want to feel like they are part of that group, and have the chance to participate with their peers. These are perhaps the easiest to motivate, as they seem to be at their peak just being there. I have over simplified, of course, but the point has been made - trying to figure out how to individually motivate a crowd of children on skates can be a daunting task.
Sometimes children are ridiculous.
This is one of the truest things I have ever said. This is neither good or bad, it just simply is (allbeit frustrating at times). I've heard these kids say things that are hilarious, and often shouldn't be encouraged, and yet can not refrain from laughing. During a paticular practice, I was promptly informed by one of the players that the drill we were doing was 'poo'. To reiterate the point so that I firmly understood his stance on the task at hand, he began spelling it out to me in song: "P-O-O!". How do you not laugh? Yet for the integrity of the drill and the practice as a whole, I can't encourage it - so I have to skate away smiling, and hope they didn't see me crack.
I've been growled at and hissed at, slashed in the back of skates. I've been told very firmly that I "am going down, punk" and whole heartedly convinced that a line of kids had come down with something paticularily potent - as they all seemed to have broken out into uncontrollable wiggles, not a single one among them able to stand still.
Conversley I have been told I was their favourite coach, told I was loved, and attack hugged while not paying attention. When the bad is good and the good is pretty good, then I consider myself fairly lucky to have this oppurtunity to coach.
I have habits as bad as the kids.
I suppose out of all the insights, this may be the most important one for me. It is easy when you're working with kids to assume yourself the infallible dictator. This is helped along by the fact that with skates I stand a good 6'2, and thus feel like an island in the sea when surrounded by six-year-olds.
Thus, it can inherently difficult to stop and asess whether the way in which you are trying to run a drill could be improved or altered. If one kid isn't figureing out the drill then it may be that he hasn't payed much attention - but if all of them are confused, then you're probably to blame.
That said, here are some examples of mine:
- I say 'guys' way too much. This isn't a terrible problem, but a lot like 'um' during public speaking, if I took the time to count the usage, it would probably be outrageous.
- I forget the necessity of demonstration. Even though I am actually a visual learner, I often forget that I can't just talk at a mob of wide-eyed faces and expect them to know what they're going to do.
- Sometimes I talk to loud / quiet for a given situation. I can't expect to talk in an indoor voice and have all the kids hear me. Conversely I have to remember not to yell in an opposite situation. Yelling is sometimes necessary, but I don't think anyone wants to play the role of the scary coach.
It is important to remember that children are human. As a result, they are every bit as smart and intuitive as any adult. It is scary how fast they understand when a certain drill or lesson isn't going correctly, or if the teacher / coach doesn't know how to handle a situation.
I think for that reason, working with kids requires a baseline ability to bluff - looking in control even if you have no idea what is going on. I'm still working on this part of my repertoire, but it gets a little easier every time. As excited as I am for my upcoming trip to Africa (<---it's a link), I do regret that I will be unable to continue working with these kids into the new year. As much as I've taught them in the basics of hockey, they've returned it ten fold in helping me learn how to get the most out of them.
That is all for now,
Much love,
Sean
Thursday, November 18, 2010
Learn the Spectrum
I would like to dedicate this post to Christopher Luke Zweerman. Although I didn't know him as well as others, our interactions were always friendly and jovial. He liked to joke, have fun, and could stop a puck or two if you got him in equipment. RIP, Chris, you'll be missed.
The main content of this post was originally found at the very end of my previous one. However, it never really flowed with the content of that last blog and for obvious reasons seemed like a disjointed tac-on. Thus, with much deliberation, I have decided to move it here on its own. Yet, as not to completely make this a stale post, and reward those who are here that read 'essentially' this last time - I've included a limited edition, crudely drawn, photo of excellence at the bottom.
We begin,
In a very cliche way, I've recently become a little more introspective than normal. I believe it's a direct consequence of living through this 'empty' period of time before a great adventure. I don't know how to directly explain what I mean by this, so I will explain it the best I can by using an example.
About two weeks ago I went out for a walk in the rain. This was before daylights savings time had kicked in, so when I left around six, the sun was still in the sky (allbeit hovering omniously close to the horizon). As I was trudging through a muddy field in my rubber boots, I was by chance, fortunate enough to be heading west.
What I saw may have been one of the most unexpected, most beautiful things I've ever seen. As the sun was setting on that rainy evening, it was casting a crimson red back-glow to the thin grey cloud cover of the horizon, tapering to a blazing orange where the sky met the ground. The effect, in essence, was a sky on fire. It honestly looked as if someone had taken a match to a kerosene rag and stuck it to the heavens. In that moment, as I stood alone, I was left wondering if I could truly be the only one taking the time to appreciate this spectacle.
Sometimes you are left asking yourself: is this reality mine, and mine alone? Honestly, I don't think it can be. Yet, that is the problem when you are forced to examine your own mind: some of the conclusions you reach are not always what you would expect.
It is a sad thought to believe that the full glory of the moment was wasted on a single person. Therefore, instead, I will approach it with the mindset that I was lucky enough to witness it - and the honour was all mine.
Love the little things, even if they seem so inconsequential at the time; you never know when you will have the chance again.
RIP Chris.
Now as promised, here is a picture, hand drawn by me. I used all the materials at my disposal to really set the mood, and make it as realistic as possible. Furthermore, it's educational - so you can show it to your kids in the future, and they'll know... what alcohol does to your brain.
Now that's what I call shading!
Thanks for Reading,
Much Love,
Sean
The main content of this post was originally found at the very end of my previous one. However, it never really flowed with the content of that last blog and for obvious reasons seemed like a disjointed tac-on. Thus, with much deliberation, I have decided to move it here on its own. Yet, as not to completely make this a stale post, and reward those who are here that read 'essentially' this last time - I've included a limited edition, crudely drawn, photo of excellence at the bottom.
We begin,
In a very cliche way, I've recently become a little more introspective than normal. I believe it's a direct consequence of living through this 'empty' period of time before a great adventure. I don't know how to directly explain what I mean by this, so I will explain it the best I can by using an example.
About two weeks ago I went out for a walk in the rain. This was before daylights savings time had kicked in, so when I left around six, the sun was still in the sky (allbeit hovering omniously close to the horizon). As I was trudging through a muddy field in my rubber boots, I was by chance, fortunate enough to be heading west.
What I saw may have been one of the most unexpected, most beautiful things I've ever seen. As the sun was setting on that rainy evening, it was casting a crimson red back-glow to the thin grey cloud cover of the horizon, tapering to a blazing orange where the sky met the ground. The effect, in essence, was a sky on fire. It honestly looked as if someone had taken a match to a kerosene rag and stuck it to the heavens. In that moment, as I stood alone, I was left wondering if I could truly be the only one taking the time to appreciate this spectacle.
Sometimes you are left asking yourself: is this reality mine, and mine alone? Honestly, I don't think it can be. Yet, that is the problem when you are forced to examine your own mind: some of the conclusions you reach are not always what you would expect.
It is a sad thought to believe that the full glory of the moment was wasted on a single person. Therefore, instead, I will approach it with the mindset that I was lucky enough to witness it - and the honour was all mine.
Love the little things, even if they seem so inconsequential at the time; you never know when you will have the chance again.
RIP Chris.
Now as promised, here is a picture, hand drawn by me. I used all the materials at my disposal to really set the mood, and make it as realistic as possible. Furthermore, it's educational - so you can show it to your kids in the future, and they'll know... what alcohol does to your brain.
Now that's what I call shading!
Thanks for Reading,
Much Love,
Sean
Friday, November 12, 2010
A Date With Africa
I've never really cared for this month. November is one of those inbetweener months where nothing really happens, much like May (or February before family day rolled in). However, what May has going for it, that November can never boast, is a warming of the air and gradually increasing sunlight. In contrast, November assaults me with a chill and a thin layer of frost on my windshield come sun up. There are no holidays in it, and the only real event is day lights savings time. I'll never appreciate any mechanism that shortens my exposure to the sun.
That said, I'm in a pretty positive mood these days. The past couple weeks have gone by without any real definitive moment - but contained a lightness of mind that I havn't experienced in a while. I guess the main reason is that shortly before Halloween I gave my notice of leave. At that exact moment the job no longer became who I was, but instead a transition step towards who I am becoming. I am still going about my job with a smile until the end of the year, but no longer is it my future as well as my present.
Furthermore, I've just started waking in the morning with the apprehension that comes when something big is looming on the horizon. I said this once in a previous post, but I find the fear of the unknown exhilerating. I literally just got off the phone with my sister, and it seems that we finally have agreed on a route. With our tickets likely being booked within the next day or so, I'll share our planned iternerary with you now.
During the first week of January we will be departing from Toronto towards Kigali, Rwanda. Since we're cheap, and will sacrafice our comfort to save a dime, our flight over contains a couple of stops: Chicago and Brussells. Unfortunately it sounds like out time in Belgium will be limited, which really is a shame.
Once in Kigali we will be picked up and be taken to our campsite in the Mgahinga National Park of Uganda; Visas will be grabbed at the border as we pass through. Mgahinga will be where we spend the majority of our time in Africa.
Youtube Video of Mgahinga National Park
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=F7ivtRSKmjU&feature=player_embedded
While there, our main objective will be to observe and record data pretaining to the Golden Monkey populations there. The Golden Monkeys are an old world monkey that are endemic to this part of Africa. If you google image search them you will most likely come up with pictures of furry blue-faced beasts, that are native of Asia. The ones we are working with are actually Guenons, a type of primate, which have forward facing eyes and opposable thumbs.
The Monkeys have an untapped tourist potential, and require further human habituation to make them more attractice to visitors. With tourism will come government protection of its assets, and then maybe this endagered species will stand a better chance going forward.
On top of that, some time will be spent in the schools of the local community, working with the children and teaching the importance of conservation. Extra days of the week can be used at my discretion, and I am sincerely hoping that I can garner some experience working with the field vetrinarians.
Furthermore, from the sounds of it, our permanent residence while working there will be in the same area that all the tourists use as they come. This means that on a daily basis I will be able to intercept, meet, and talk new people. Meeting new people on any given day can be kind of a mediocre experience, but something about new people while traveling is more addictive than heroin. Sweet!
Three months after arriving in Uganda we will take our leave of the jungle and head north to the capital of Uganda: Kampala, situated on the north-west end of Lake Victoria. If Jessica hasn't lied to me, then from here we'll be able to do some tours of the Nile River via kick ass white water rafting.
Kampala Tourist Website
http://www.backpackers.co.ug/rafting.html
From Kampala, we plan to work our way down the east coast of Victoria into northern Tanzania, which boasts such sights as the Serengeti national park, ngorongoro crater, and my prized jewel: Mount Kilimanjaro. We are climbing that bastard. Any mountain that boasts the transition of 7 different ecosystems as you climb sounds amazing. Not to mention that after doing the Inca Trail, few things can make you feel as mentally and physically accomplished as a mountain climb. I destroyed the Inca trail, this is next.
Another borrowed youtube video:
After that we're heading to the coast, and the Indian Ocean. I've had the pleasure of putting my foot in the Atlantic and Pacific, but I won't miss the chance to cross a third from the list. From the coast we will fly out of Tanzania and into the last country on our trip: Egypt. Our plans for Egypt arn't in any way finite, but it sounds like visas are obtainable upon landing, and we'll have a good week or two to kill once there. Recent communications with friends have led me to believe that it is awesome.
And, that is it. Pretty awful, right? I am so excited!
Once again I've written too much, and as a result I will end here. I would rather bring you a lot of good thoughts, instead of little bits of tripe daily - so I will use that as an excuse for my infrequency.
Thanks for reading, much love,
Sean
Monday, October 4, 2010
A Moral Obligation
Ted Talk:
Science Can Answer Moral Questions
Questions of good and evil, right and wrong are commonly thought unanswerable by science. But Sam Harris argues that science can — and should — be an authority on moral issues, shaping human values and setting out what constitutes a good life. (Recorded at TED2010, February 2010 in Long Beach, CA. Duration: 23:07)
morality: "concern with the distinction between good and evil or right and wrong; right or good conduct"
Anyone that knows me in any capacity will have some idea that I'm not religious. Infact, the best way to put it is that I'm about as religious as I am not. I'm a cop out, an agnostic with a sympathsizing ear to athestic logic. One thing I definitely am, is pro-science. Being able to apply a simple logic to the way my life unfolds is comforting to me. Science is not a beliefs system. Science is NOT religion. Science is a quest for knowledge.
Now, usually, this is well and good. On any given day I am free to go about my buisness and run my life in this capacity, generally unabated. However, it has come to my attention in the past few years that the field of science is often viewed as vehemently anti-religious in an active capacity. I really don't feel like sparking any real debate on this topic, as if science and religion were two head to head ideologies. I have strong opinions on many facets of religion, and will share them if you ask me. However, for the sake of this blog I would like to make my position on morality as a dependant on religion clear.
Religion is NOT a crutch for morality. Morality Can exist without it.
Let me start with a hypothetical. Lets say I was grocery shopping, and while I was trying to walk down the isle there were little children darting every which way and impeding my progress. I easily could push that child aside - yet do not. Now I made the moral decision to myself that it was wrong to push a child.
I did NOT need religion to help me make this moral choice. Am I to believe the only reason I might not have pushed that kid was because God says it's wrong?
I do not steal because I have a base sense of what rightfully belongs to me. I don't murder because it is essentially the ultimate form of theft. Someone's life certainly does not belong to me, and I have no right to take it away.
In fact I'll put it to you to tell me how doing things only for the sake of 'religious morality' is in itself not purely selfish. Is a person of faith making the right decisions because they are concerned with where they will end up? I pity an existence where I can not contribute to this earth for the pure sake of doing it. Every nice thing I do out of a religion-based morality is actively selfish.
If God exists and is truly omnipotent, do you think he'd be more impressed with someone who makes moral choices because he told them to, or because they honeslty feel it's the right thing to do? Now begin questioning your motivations. I have met salt of the earth atheists and evil as sin born-agains, not to mention every combination inbetween.
Morality does not equal religion. Morality and religion should not go hand and hand.
I would really love feedback on this one. I would love to know your thoughts. I'm not stating my beliefs behind a wall of anonymity, and as a consequence respect and invite any opinion on the this delicate matter; good or bad.
Much love, much respect.
Peace in the east,
Sean
Science Can Answer Moral Questions
Questions of good and evil, right and wrong are commonly thought unanswerable by science. But Sam Harris argues that science can — and should — be an authority on moral issues, shaping human values and setting out what constitutes a good life. (Recorded at TED2010, February 2010 in Long Beach, CA. Duration: 23:07)
morality: "concern with the distinction between good and evil or right and wrong; right or good conduct"
Anyone that knows me in any capacity will have some idea that I'm not religious. Infact, the best way to put it is that I'm about as religious as I am not. I'm a cop out, an agnostic with a sympathsizing ear to athestic logic. One thing I definitely am, is pro-science. Being able to apply a simple logic to the way my life unfolds is comforting to me. Science is not a beliefs system. Science is NOT religion. Science is a quest for knowledge.
Now, usually, this is well and good. On any given day I am free to go about my buisness and run my life in this capacity, generally unabated. However, it has come to my attention in the past few years that the field of science is often viewed as vehemently anti-religious in an active capacity. I really don't feel like sparking any real debate on this topic, as if science and religion were two head to head ideologies. I have strong opinions on many facets of religion, and will share them if you ask me. However, for the sake of this blog I would like to make my position on morality as a dependant on religion clear.
Religion is NOT a crutch for morality. Morality Can exist without it.
Let me start with a hypothetical. Lets say I was grocery shopping, and while I was trying to walk down the isle there were little children darting every which way and impeding my progress. I easily could push that child aside - yet do not. Now I made the moral decision to myself that it was wrong to push a child.
I did NOT need religion to help me make this moral choice. Am I to believe the only reason I might not have pushed that kid was because God says it's wrong?
I do not steal because I have a base sense of what rightfully belongs to me. I don't murder because it is essentially the ultimate form of theft. Someone's life certainly does not belong to me, and I have no right to take it away.
In fact I'll put it to you to tell me how doing things only for the sake of 'religious morality' is in itself not purely selfish. Is a person of faith making the right decisions because they are concerned with where they will end up? I pity an existence where I can not contribute to this earth for the pure sake of doing it. Every nice thing I do out of a religion-based morality is actively selfish.
If God exists and is truly omnipotent, do you think he'd be more impressed with someone who makes moral choices because he told them to, or because they honeslty feel it's the right thing to do? Now begin questioning your motivations. I have met salt of the earth atheists and evil as sin born-agains, not to mention every combination inbetween.
Morality does not equal religion. Morality and religion should not go hand and hand.
I would really love feedback on this one. I would love to know your thoughts. I'm not stating my beliefs behind a wall of anonymity, and as a consequence respect and invite any opinion on the this delicate matter; good or bad.
Much love, much respect.
Peace in the east,
Sean
Sunday, October 3, 2010
Ask Me Weather I Care
Canadians must be boring. This may sound like a gross generalization, but I'm being forced to make this assumption based upon the sheer amount of idle chatter I've been stumbling into regarding the weather.
Why are Canadians as a nation so fixated on this topic? How come at some point in every conversation it creeps in to fill the silence? Do we as a people have nothing better to say? If your ability to converse with me is so strained that all you can do is state a fact like it is nice out, then why are we talking? Wouldn't it be mutually beneficial to both of us if we didn't force a conversation about something that we both walked through on our way into the office? Call me crazy, but it makes as much sense to me as having the following conversation:
You - "Hey Sean, your shirt is green."
Me - "Ah, yes, it is. Your hair is brown."
-fin-
Is there anything to be gained here? I enjoy a good conversation as much as the next person, but I certainly won't be offended if you give me a nod and silence absent of awkward observations of the mundane. I'm not a great talker. I am very bad at generating and maintaining a conversation that I have no vested interest in. I'll respect you 100% more if you save me from it. If you have my attention, you'll know my opinion.
Please don't even get me started on our ability to complain. More precisly, complain about the weather. Combining our want to babble about the weather with our ability to complain is like the perfect storm of annoying Canadian habits. The only thing worse than hearing "it's too hot" and "it's too cold" is when in the fall, I have to hear both every other day. Gah!
I suppose I'm just bitter; the weekend course I was taking has just concluded and most of my human interaction for the next three months is limited to work. For those of you without a job where nothing much changes from day to day, you will find out that weather chat becomes a staple in your people skills around the water cooler. I'm going to miss those classes very much in part due to conversations of substance.
I'm as guilty as the next person sometimes in regards to using it as a tool to fill the awkward silence. Therefore, how about we agree going forward that we'll fill the awkward pauses with something a little less obvious. Tell me about you. Tell me about your life. Just respect me enough to assume I can see what is happening outside my window. Save the weather chat for the blind.
Why are Canadians as a nation so fixated on this topic? How come at some point in every conversation it creeps in to fill the silence? Do we as a people have nothing better to say? If your ability to converse with me is so strained that all you can do is state a fact like it is nice out, then why are we talking? Wouldn't it be mutually beneficial to both of us if we didn't force a conversation about something that we both walked through on our way into the office? Call me crazy, but it makes as much sense to me as having the following conversation:
You - "Hey Sean, your shirt is green."
Me - "Ah, yes, it is. Your hair is brown."
-fin-
Is there anything to be gained here? I enjoy a good conversation as much as the next person, but I certainly won't be offended if you give me a nod and silence absent of awkward observations of the mundane. I'm not a great talker. I am very bad at generating and maintaining a conversation that I have no vested interest in. I'll respect you 100% more if you save me from it. If you have my attention, you'll know my opinion.
Please don't even get me started on our ability to complain. More precisly, complain about the weather. Combining our want to babble about the weather with our ability to complain is like the perfect storm of annoying Canadian habits. The only thing worse than hearing "it's too hot" and "it's too cold" is when in the fall, I have to hear both every other day. Gah!
I suppose I'm just bitter; the weekend course I was taking has just concluded and most of my human interaction for the next three months is limited to work. For those of you without a job where nothing much changes from day to day, you will find out that weather chat becomes a staple in your people skills around the water cooler. I'm going to miss those classes very much in part due to conversations of substance.
I'm as guilty as the next person sometimes in regards to using it as a tool to fill the awkward silence. Therefore, how about we agree going forward that we'll fill the awkward pauses with something a little less obvious. Tell me about you. Tell me about your life. Just respect me enough to assume I can see what is happening outside my window. Save the weather chat for the blind.
Saturday, September 18, 2010
The Sum of the Parts
As I sit here typing, it is late summer, a beautiful night, and the eve before yet another week of work. When put like so, nothing seems paticularily out of place, or different from many of the Sunday nights of weeks previous. And, for all intensive purposes, you're right - it's not much different then many others. However, for me, it is slightly different; I'll tell you why.
I suppose the main difference for me is that I'm a little more tired than I would usually find myself at the end of a weekend. As I have mentioned before, my typical quanitiy of sleep during the Monday to Friday haul is relatively low. That said, I am often limping into the weekends, with Saturday and Sunday in the plans as days to fill the tanks, unwind, and prepare for the next 5 day span. I guarentee this isn't unique to me, but maybe you're an exception. The point of my digression is this: I was unable to get the amount of sleep I would normaly log on a weekend.
Yesterday marked the beginning of my 60 hour TESL course (Teaching English as a Second Language), that is held on weekends at WLU. It is a bit of a whirlwind trip of a course, running for three consecutive weekends on both the Saturday and Sunday for 9 hours at a time.
Now if I recall back to the few times I made the mistake of signing up for night lectures at University, I remember that sitting in class and paying attention for a period of even three hours was a grind. It was suprisingly exhaustive to sit in a dull, boring anthropology or history elective for three hours and pay attention. Therefore, you can imagine that multiplying that class time three fold and starting it at 9 in the morning is quite draining.
However, this was even more tiring, because I wasn't bored, I was engaged. You'd be suprised how much more wiped you are after a class where you are actively discussing and involved. Being bored may cause drowsiness, but actively thinking and speaking for extensive periods will make you tired.
Now at first glance this course seemed pretty short, even to me. I even remember questioning how much I could really learn in such a little span of time. Yet, when I do the math, 60 hours is equivalent to (you guessed it) sixty of the normal hour lectures you would take in university. If you figured about three lectures a week at an hour each, that would be 20 weeks of classes. Case in point, it is like taking a full semester course in the span of six days, without as much time to process it.
The course, as best I can explain it, is essentially all the basics of what is teacher's college thrust into a single class. The start is theory, moving into practical teaching application and followed by hands on opportunities to apply what has been learned in a presentation format. One of the suprising things about the content being learned is that it is really a lot of common sense - yet things we never take the time to think about.
The instructor, by most means isn't out of the ordinary in any regard. Friendly, smart, and well spoken, nothing on first glance would set her apart from many other teachers her age. And yet, I think what makes her stand out so prominently is that she is the first teacher I've talked to that has ever made the process of educating others seem so potentially overwhelming.
No, she never once said teaching was hard. The opposite is actually true, and she made the point of saying that one can auto pilot a course with very little inguenuity and still most likely get a contract renewal. This by no means will make you an effective teacher, or help your students retain a lot of what you present, but it can earn you a consistent pay cheque.
Yet, the way in which she talks about her teaching history is almost palpable. You can imagine every ingenious solution she had to what seems like a otherwise stymying dilemma. To reiterate, she never presents it in a way to be daunting, but what IS daunting about it is to imagine if you could have come to the same solution in a similar situation. Am I intuitive and creative enough to understand when a specific child is not learning on par with the other children, and then adapt and alter my educating methods to better incorporate that learning style? I know now, after two days, that I was by no means ready to teach in Japan if I had recieved a job. I'm lucky to know this. Luckier still are the Japanese kids I could have potentially taught.
As an aside, I am aware that at some point in her career she must have experienced a learning curve. Furthermore, as both an instructor for a teaching course, as well as a teacher in practice, the theory and ideas are always fresh and present to her now - which I can only assume is very advantageous. And after eight years of teaching consistently, it would be strange to me if she DIDN'T talk with confidence and experience. I have to remember that it's a gradual process.
When I think of the first two days of learning, the first thing that comes to my mind is the idiom "you can't see the forest through the trees". Although this idiom actually puts a negative connotation on paying to much attention to the parts and therefore missing the whole; it comes to mind because I feel like a teacher can only really effectively teach a class by focusing on the individual needs, and not the group as a whole. One really MUST see the forest for the trees if they want to teach, otherwise the needs of the few will be drowned out by the needs of the majority.
The 'new' theory in teaching is that of multiple intelligences. Essentially, different kids learn differently. Now as we were told when learning it, it seems to silly to think that this really is a new theory in any way. How does this not seem like common sense? Yet, how many classes in elementary and high school do you remember sitting through where a teacher dictated information while you sat and tried to absorb? This is great for the auditory learners (which fortunately for me I am), but is a tough way to learn when you need to be hands on or visual.
Now think about every kid in these classes that would fidget, be distractive and always do bad on tests and assignments. If you were like me, you'd assume they were dumb. I was a jerk. Yet, take that same fidgety kid and make him play a sport in gym class and all of the sudden he may excel. The point: being athleticly capabale is a type of intellegence. There are so many examples. So how can an academic course be altered to better incorporate the needs of someone who best learns actively and hands on? I can't give you a good answer on this yet, but I definitely excited to continue to explore the possible answers.
I guess the best summary to what I learned in the theory portion of this course is that every kid is intellegent, the distinction is on how are they intellegent. There are no bad kids, just bad teachers. I so desperately don't want to be a bad teacher.
As of right now, as I eluded to, I am slightly overwhelmed. I'm not afraid to try and teach, and excited for the chance, but it certainly can be daunting. Who doesn't want to emulate that favourite teacher they had as a kid. I want to be like that one teacher you had that is engaging and makes the students enjoy class, and just maybe I'll get my chance sooner than later.
Much Love
Sean
I suppose the main difference for me is that I'm a little more tired than I would usually find myself at the end of a weekend. As I have mentioned before, my typical quanitiy of sleep during the Monday to Friday haul is relatively low. That said, I am often limping into the weekends, with Saturday and Sunday in the plans as days to fill the tanks, unwind, and prepare for the next 5 day span. I guarentee this isn't unique to me, but maybe you're an exception. The point of my digression is this: I was unable to get the amount of sleep I would normaly log on a weekend.
Yesterday marked the beginning of my 60 hour TESL course (Teaching English as a Second Language), that is held on weekends at WLU. It is a bit of a whirlwind trip of a course, running for three consecutive weekends on both the Saturday and Sunday for 9 hours at a time.
Now if I recall back to the few times I made the mistake of signing up for night lectures at University, I remember that sitting in class and paying attention for a period of even three hours was a grind. It was suprisingly exhaustive to sit in a dull, boring anthropology or history elective for three hours and pay attention. Therefore, you can imagine that multiplying that class time three fold and starting it at 9 in the morning is quite draining.
However, this was even more tiring, because I wasn't bored, I was engaged. You'd be suprised how much more wiped you are after a class where you are actively discussing and involved. Being bored may cause drowsiness, but actively thinking and speaking for extensive periods will make you tired.
Now at first glance this course seemed pretty short, even to me. I even remember questioning how much I could really learn in such a little span of time. Yet, when I do the math, 60 hours is equivalent to (you guessed it) sixty of the normal hour lectures you would take in university. If you figured about three lectures a week at an hour each, that would be 20 weeks of classes. Case in point, it is like taking a full semester course in the span of six days, without as much time to process it.
The course, as best I can explain it, is essentially all the basics of what is teacher's college thrust into a single class. The start is theory, moving into practical teaching application and followed by hands on opportunities to apply what has been learned in a presentation format. One of the suprising things about the content being learned is that it is really a lot of common sense - yet things we never take the time to think about.
The instructor, by most means isn't out of the ordinary in any regard. Friendly, smart, and well spoken, nothing on first glance would set her apart from many other teachers her age. And yet, I think what makes her stand out so prominently is that she is the first teacher I've talked to that has ever made the process of educating others seem so potentially overwhelming.
No, she never once said teaching was hard. The opposite is actually true, and she made the point of saying that one can auto pilot a course with very little inguenuity and still most likely get a contract renewal. This by no means will make you an effective teacher, or help your students retain a lot of what you present, but it can earn you a consistent pay cheque.
Yet, the way in which she talks about her teaching history is almost palpable. You can imagine every ingenious solution she had to what seems like a otherwise stymying dilemma. To reiterate, she never presents it in a way to be daunting, but what IS daunting about it is to imagine if you could have come to the same solution in a similar situation. Am I intuitive and creative enough to understand when a specific child is not learning on par with the other children, and then adapt and alter my educating methods to better incorporate that learning style? I know now, after two days, that I was by no means ready to teach in Japan if I had recieved a job. I'm lucky to know this. Luckier still are the Japanese kids I could have potentially taught.
As an aside, I am aware that at some point in her career she must have experienced a learning curve. Furthermore, as both an instructor for a teaching course, as well as a teacher in practice, the theory and ideas are always fresh and present to her now - which I can only assume is very advantageous. And after eight years of teaching consistently, it would be strange to me if she DIDN'T talk with confidence and experience. I have to remember that it's a gradual process.
When I think of the first two days of learning, the first thing that comes to my mind is the idiom "you can't see the forest through the trees". Although this idiom actually puts a negative connotation on paying to much attention to the parts and therefore missing the whole; it comes to mind because I feel like a teacher can only really effectively teach a class by focusing on the individual needs, and not the group as a whole. One really MUST see the forest for the trees if they want to teach, otherwise the needs of the few will be drowned out by the needs of the majority.
The 'new' theory in teaching is that of multiple intelligences. Essentially, different kids learn differently. Now as we were told when learning it, it seems to silly to think that this really is a new theory in any way. How does this not seem like common sense? Yet, how many classes in elementary and high school do you remember sitting through where a teacher dictated information while you sat and tried to absorb? This is great for the auditory learners (which fortunately for me I am), but is a tough way to learn when you need to be hands on or visual.
Now think about every kid in these classes that would fidget, be distractive and always do bad on tests and assignments. If you were like me, you'd assume they were dumb. I was a jerk. Yet, take that same fidgety kid and make him play a sport in gym class and all of the sudden he may excel. The point: being athleticly capabale is a type of intellegence. There are so many examples. So how can an academic course be altered to better incorporate the needs of someone who best learns actively and hands on? I can't give you a good answer on this yet, but I definitely excited to continue to explore the possible answers.
I guess the best summary to what I learned in the theory portion of this course is that every kid is intellegent, the distinction is on how are they intellegent. There are no bad kids, just bad teachers. I so desperately don't want to be a bad teacher.
As of right now, as I eluded to, I am slightly overwhelmed. I'm not afraid to try and teach, and excited for the chance, but it certainly can be daunting. Who doesn't want to emulate that favourite teacher they had as a kid. I want to be like that one teacher you had that is engaging and makes the students enjoy class, and just maybe I'll get my chance sooner than later.
Much Love
Sean
Wednesday, September 8, 2010
Contradiction
While I was surfing through one of the websites I like to traffic frequently, I stumbled across something rather interesting. The site in question is one of the rare gems of the internet known as Ted.com. On this site, presented for all to see, are the talks and presentations of the greatest minds of our time.
The paticular video I came across was a very short one that was titled 'Keep your goals to yourself'. If you have not figured out why this perked my interest, I will now remind you that you are reading my blog; basically post upon post of me blathering on about my goals for the world to read.
The funny thing is, despite writing all these posts - I agree with a lot that the video had to say. The only real contradictions between this video and my own writings that I can find are the scale of the goals presented - where as without actually doing what I have promised myself I will, I can partake in very little of the satisfaction it offers.
Decide for yourself after watching it, but I clearly remember telling people I was going to run a half marathon back in May, felt good thinking I was going to do it - then never really 'got around to it'.
They say self improvement is masturbation, as it feels so good - but apparently telling people about how you're going to do it equivilates to arousal. Sorry for the imagery!
Stay Classy/ Much Love,
Sean
The paticular video I came across was a very short one that was titled 'Keep your goals to yourself'. If you have not figured out why this perked my interest, I will now remind you that you are reading my blog; basically post upon post of me blathering on about my goals for the world to read.
The funny thing is, despite writing all these posts - I agree with a lot that the video had to say. The only real contradictions between this video and my own writings that I can find are the scale of the goals presented - where as without actually doing what I have promised myself I will, I can partake in very little of the satisfaction it offers.
Decide for yourself after watching it, but I clearly remember telling people I was going to run a half marathon back in May, felt good thinking I was going to do it - then never really 'got around to it'.
They say self improvement is masturbation, as it feels so good - but apparently telling people about how you're going to do it equivilates to arousal. Sorry for the imagery!
Stay Classy/ Much Love,
Sean
Wednesday, August 18, 2010
Timshel
I find myself in the thick of another work week. You are looking at me sardonically. You are trying to figure out why this is note worthy at all, and why I'd even mention it.
Well, I mention it because, despite the matter of fact tone and the lack of any indicating punctuation - I was complaining. This week is paticularily bad because last week I was on vacation; spending hours in the lake and enjoying beer-thirty every time the clock struck the half hour. I love my family camp. It is too far away to be convenient, usually too crowded to be comfortable and yet I love it unconditionally. There are not many things in my life that get that kind of affection from me. The point of my digression: this week has been taking its time.
One very nice thing about being there is the chance to catch up on some of the reading that throughout the year I put off and convince myself I don't have the time to finish. This year's book to finish was one recommended to me way back in the winter by a friend, with confirmation that it was their favourite book ever. John Steinbeck's East of Eden.
Whenever someone tells me something is their favourite, before putting it in my hands, I always find that there is this great pressure to find it as great as they do. I feel almost obligated to like it, and then in revolt of being forced to like something, I enjoy it less than if I had just approached it with an open mind. However, this is an exception to the standard rules of my twisted brain. Although I won't say it is my favourite book, or one of my favourites - it is certainly one of the best I've ever read. It is really that good.
The book's theme can be loosely be summed up in a word, 'timshel' which in the book is said to translate to 'thou mayest' in English. The word is introduced in the book after a discussion on the proper translation of the story of Cain and Abel from the bible. It is concluded that what God said to Cain was "Thou mayest conquer over sin", in regards to the conflict of good and evil. Now I don't want to sound like I'm going off on some religious tangent, I am not religious. However, I do feel like one can walk away from this message with more than just some holy revelation. The concept of timshel as a basic Human 'attribute' is amazing. Thou mayest.
The book follows the life of a man named Adam, and further in the life of his son's Cal and Aron (who not coincidently mirror Cain and Abel). Throughout the story, you observe this delicate balancing act of good and evil that is occuring through the actions of the characters. Great feats of evil always seem to be counteracted by some equally good outcome, and vice versa. It is written superbly, such that in a way you don't really realize it is happening until late in the book. I won't spoil it, read it.
Let me get to the point. The moral as I took it is that in our lives, we have the power to make it what we want. Thou mayest achieve whatever you want. There is a character in the novel called Tom Hamilton, who Steinbeck implies is on the edge of achieveing greatness in his life. Tom's life is filled with moments of great courage and great cowardice, the latter as deep as the former is high.
I don't know if it is selfish of me as a reader, or simply that I am just human, but I wanted to relate to this character so completely. I did relate to it completely. I can't claim to be on the edge of greatness, but I don't know who out there doesn't feel that their life is this balance of choices - with the options in essence being a flip of a coin between cowardice and courage. Which path do you choose? Short answer; you have the choice to make your life whatever you want it to be.
I suppose the biggest criticism to this would be if you told me that there are factors out of peoples hands. That where someone ends up in the world is ultimately based on the cards they are dealt from the beginning. This is a fair point, and I agree that some people's places in life are out of their hands in the most general sense. However, this is not what I meant, not really.
How you should view my interpretation is in a much more 'spiritual' sense, spiritual used loosely. I mean to say that it is 100% your choice in how an event effects you. You have the power to choose how you treat others, or to decide whether that traffic jam in front of you really is the worst thing that has ever happened. Although these small personal choices probably won't get you a mansion and yacht on their own, I do believe they add up in a different way.
One doesn't have to be stoic and immune to emotion to make these choices either. All you need to do is approach everything a little more rationally - how important is this really? Is it in my best interests to take every bad occurence that occurs as a reflection of my luck and who I am? IS treating a stranger like dirt truly necessary? In some way, everything in your life is partially your choice.
Is that not freeing? I'm in love with the concept.
To anyone that cared about the last post regarding Africa, I'll most likely be going at the start of January. I emailed someone a description of what I would be doing earlier today, so I'll just put it down again here:
The location of the study is the Mgahinga Gorilla National Park in the volcanic mountain regions of Uganada. While there I will be working with the endemic golden monkey species.
The monkeys have never been properly studied to a great extent, and although the gorillas in the park are protected, the monkeys are still poached to some degree illegally. Snare traps, local domesticated animals and illegal harvesting of their forest habitat's bamboo (a food source) are all threats to the monkey's continued survival.
Since these monkeys are only found in this small region, and their population sizes and ranges are so small, an effort is being made to study them and observe their behaviour before it is too late. The hope is that by providing the Uganda goverment information about the monkeys, they will use them as a target for tourism and conservation - thus protecting their numbers more actively and effectively.
The organization I'll be working with is still in its fledgling states, as it is only a year and a bit old - so I get to come in on the ground floor to help acclimatize these monkeys to people and conduct preliminary studies and observations.
I am also required to help teach conservation to the local children by spending a day a week in the classrooms teaching. Very exciting.
Again, thanks for reading,
Much Love,
Sean
Well, I mention it because, despite the matter of fact tone and the lack of any indicating punctuation - I was complaining. This week is paticularily bad because last week I was on vacation; spending hours in the lake and enjoying beer-thirty every time the clock struck the half hour. I love my family camp. It is too far away to be convenient, usually too crowded to be comfortable and yet I love it unconditionally. There are not many things in my life that get that kind of affection from me. The point of my digression: this week has been taking its time.
One very nice thing about being there is the chance to catch up on some of the reading that throughout the year I put off and convince myself I don't have the time to finish. This year's book to finish was one recommended to me way back in the winter by a friend, with confirmation that it was their favourite book ever. John Steinbeck's East of Eden.
Whenever someone tells me something is their favourite, before putting it in my hands, I always find that there is this great pressure to find it as great as they do. I feel almost obligated to like it, and then in revolt of being forced to like something, I enjoy it less than if I had just approached it with an open mind. However, this is an exception to the standard rules of my twisted brain. Although I won't say it is my favourite book, or one of my favourites - it is certainly one of the best I've ever read. It is really that good.
The book's theme can be loosely be summed up in a word, 'timshel' which in the book is said to translate to 'thou mayest' in English. The word is introduced in the book after a discussion on the proper translation of the story of Cain and Abel from the bible. It is concluded that what God said to Cain was "Thou mayest conquer over sin", in regards to the conflict of good and evil. Now I don't want to sound like I'm going off on some religious tangent, I am not religious. However, I do feel like one can walk away from this message with more than just some holy revelation. The concept of timshel as a basic Human 'attribute' is amazing. Thou mayest.
The book follows the life of a man named Adam, and further in the life of his son's Cal and Aron (who not coincidently mirror Cain and Abel). Throughout the story, you observe this delicate balancing act of good and evil that is occuring through the actions of the characters. Great feats of evil always seem to be counteracted by some equally good outcome, and vice versa. It is written superbly, such that in a way you don't really realize it is happening until late in the book. I won't spoil it, read it.
Let me get to the point. The moral as I took it is that in our lives, we have the power to make it what we want. Thou mayest achieve whatever you want. There is a character in the novel called Tom Hamilton, who Steinbeck implies is on the edge of achieveing greatness in his life. Tom's life is filled with moments of great courage and great cowardice, the latter as deep as the former is high.
I don't know if it is selfish of me as a reader, or simply that I am just human, but I wanted to relate to this character so completely. I did relate to it completely. I can't claim to be on the edge of greatness, but I don't know who out there doesn't feel that their life is this balance of choices - with the options in essence being a flip of a coin between cowardice and courage. Which path do you choose? Short answer; you have the choice to make your life whatever you want it to be.
I suppose the biggest criticism to this would be if you told me that there are factors out of peoples hands. That where someone ends up in the world is ultimately based on the cards they are dealt from the beginning. This is a fair point, and I agree that some people's places in life are out of their hands in the most general sense. However, this is not what I meant, not really.
How you should view my interpretation is in a much more 'spiritual' sense, spiritual used loosely. I mean to say that it is 100% your choice in how an event effects you. You have the power to choose how you treat others, or to decide whether that traffic jam in front of you really is the worst thing that has ever happened. Although these small personal choices probably won't get you a mansion and yacht on their own, I do believe they add up in a different way.
One doesn't have to be stoic and immune to emotion to make these choices either. All you need to do is approach everything a little more rationally - how important is this really? Is it in my best interests to take every bad occurence that occurs as a reflection of my luck and who I am? IS treating a stranger like dirt truly necessary? In some way, everything in your life is partially your choice.
Is that not freeing? I'm in love with the concept.
To anyone that cared about the last post regarding Africa, I'll most likely be going at the start of January. I emailed someone a description of what I would be doing earlier today, so I'll just put it down again here:
The location of the study is the Mgahinga Gorilla National Park in the volcanic mountain regions of Uganada. While there I will be working with the endemic golden monkey species.
The monkeys have never been properly studied to a great extent, and although the gorillas in the park are protected, the monkeys are still poached to some degree illegally. Snare traps, local domesticated animals and illegal harvesting of their forest habitat's bamboo (a food source) are all threats to the monkey's continued survival.
Since these monkeys are only found in this small region, and their population sizes and ranges are so small, an effort is being made to study them and observe their behaviour before it is too late. The hope is that by providing the Uganda goverment information about the monkeys, they will use them as a target for tourism and conservation - thus protecting their numbers more actively and effectively.
The organization I'll be working with is still in its fledgling states, as it is only a year and a bit old - so I get to come in on the ground floor to help acclimatize these monkeys to people and conduct preliminary studies and observations.
I am also required to help teach conservation to the local children by spending a day a week in the classrooms teaching. Very exciting.
Again, thanks for reading,
Much Love,
Sean
Friday, July 23, 2010
Africa?
Today I am feeling something that has been eluding me for quite some time. An unsettled feeling. A nervous apprehension. It is fantastic!
Not since the rigors of the Japan application process have I had felt even a semblance of anything close to this. This, however, is drastically different from Japan. Because, unlike Japan, I've already been accepted for this. Earlier this morning I had the pleasure of opening my email to find a message that went like this:
"I have been on the case and I am very pleased to tell you that we would love to accept you onto the volunteer program.
I have attached the volunteer handbook for you, if you have any futher questions please do not hesitate to ask away. I will send you over the report shortly also so you can have a read of it.
Kind Regards,
Andy"
Uganda? Africa? Golden Monkeys? Me? Very possible, very soon.
I am scared, nay I am terrified that they have accepted me. I love it. It is very easy to fail and then slide right back into where you were. Now I am forced to make decisions, plan my course, and take steps to follow through - how liberating!
All the day to day montony that I have been focusing on for the past while seems to have become, once again, dismally unimportant. Instantly. I'll say it again, I love this scared feeling. Without intention, I think this has become my most upbeat post to date!
It may seem like a wierd concept to like to feel nervous, but when you're failing to find comfort in the known and routine - sometimes you get it from the most unlikely sources.
This is the best news I've had in a while, and now I have a weekend of the hillside music festival to let it all soak in.
Best weekend ever? I might say it's close!
Much love (and much excitement!),
Sean
Not since the rigors of the Japan application process have I had felt even a semblance of anything close to this. This, however, is drastically different from Japan. Because, unlike Japan, I've already been accepted for this. Earlier this morning I had the pleasure of opening my email to find a message that went like this:
"I have been on the case and I am very pleased to tell you that we would love to accept you onto the volunteer program.
I have attached the volunteer handbook for you, if you have any futher questions please do not hesitate to ask away. I will send you over the report shortly also so you can have a read of it.
Kind Regards,
Andy"
Uganda? Africa? Golden Monkeys? Me? Very possible, very soon.
I am scared, nay I am terrified that they have accepted me. I love it. It is very easy to fail and then slide right back into where you were. Now I am forced to make decisions, plan my course, and take steps to follow through - how liberating!
All the day to day montony that I have been focusing on for the past while seems to have become, once again, dismally unimportant. Instantly. I'll say it again, I love this scared feeling. Without intention, I think this has become my most upbeat post to date!
It may seem like a wierd concept to like to feel nervous, but when you're failing to find comfort in the known and routine - sometimes you get it from the most unlikely sources.
This is the best news I've had in a while, and now I have a weekend of the hillside music festival to let it all soak in.
Best weekend ever? I might say it's close!
Much love (and much excitement!),
Sean
Wednesday, July 21, 2010
Improving
When I put the year in review, it is fair to say that anyone that had any contact with me from about late February to mid May had some idea that I had applied to a teaching job in Japan. Whether that contact was first hand, or you heard it from somebody else or were just bombarded with facebook status while going about your day - the point is that I was vocal about it.
So, of those that actually cared, it may have been strange come the end of May and beginning of June, when all of the sudden it was no longer a topic of discussion - and the results of my months of interviewing never came to light. At this point it is pretty easy to put one and one together. It equals two. I didn't get the job.
It is an interesting thing to experience when the culmination of months of focus on an objective brings no resolve. I spent three months focused on one goal, only to have it turn out to be for not. I'm not bitter, but it really was an interesting experience. It felt like the floor had been taken out from under me, and I was just floating. Directionless.
I wonder what it feels like to accomplish a life long goal? I'm sure there is happiness in success - but to some small extent there must be a hole where before there was purpose.
There are several ways that you can react to this, I found out, and I think I went through them all in turn. The first, and most obvious, is to sulk. Here I was, rejected, and now had to go back and tell all the people I had it hyped to, that I had failed. That isn't easy, nor is it fun. Sulking isn't something I'm good at though, and as a consequence that phase didn't last too long. By nature I can be a bit of a brooder, pessimistic at times, and at other times openly cynical and sarcastic - but generally content to exist.
The second reaction was to try and patch the hole that had formed. When you spend every day waking up, antcipating what it will be like when you finally accomplish your objective - there forms this almost purpose driven quality to your life. Everything else you do day to day (good or bad) becomes almost irrelevant, as you are so future oriented. Then, all of the sudden the day to day was all I had again. There was no big thing on the horizon, the here and now took precident. Therefore, much like when I returned from South America, I began to cast around for something to focus my energies on - leading to the third reaction to rejection: what can I do differently?
I was forced to ask myself the question "Why the hell didn't I get it, and what can I do to make sure I don't fail again?" This, I guess is where I'm just starting to get into. Although I'm still waiting to hear back about volunteering in Africa, and have set all these goals for myself down the road - there is a part of me that wants to assess what went wrong, not simply move 0n to something else. And to be really honest, I think there were better qualified applicants. That is what went wrong.
That said, I did get VERY close to landing the position. As an idea of how close I got, they were so on the fence about me that it took them an extra two weeks to reply after my interview. Of all their recruiting stations in North America, I was one of about an average of two a year that ever gets called back for a second interview. Second interviews are not really a good thing, but it did mean they weren't ready to give up on me. So I was close, but still failed. How can I tip the scale for next time?
Short answer: self improvement.
In one of the most competitive ESL countries to teach in, I was a hair short of good enough. Therefore I think now is the time to take it upon myself to improve. They weren't wrong, I'm not a teacher. I'm a biology grad, and have very limited teaching experience. But, there is always hope!
As of this fall I believe I will enroll myself in a TESL course. It is happening in Waterloo come September, and takes place on weekends. These courses go over the basics of not only how to make English easier to teach as a second language and classroom dynamics when working with kids, but also application processes, interviewing techniques, cultural insights as well as supplying resources. Fantastic.
Pros: Teaching experience, looks good on a resume, one of the first things looked for during most ESL applications, close to home, accesible times, offer job finding support.
Cons: Expensive
As I see it, regardless of the price tag the course is worth it. Three Saturday and Sundays in a row for about 10 hours a day and the course is complete.
I don't expect the completion of this course to override any of my other existing goals though. I view it as a tac on to my personal aresenal that will let me have the experiences I seem to be craving these days. I still want to do everything on my short list, but this sounds like an excellent tool in helping me accomplish that goal - and maybe even direct me to doing something I might enjoy as more than a passing thing.
On a funny note, if the course doesn't get you a job within six months of taking it they offer a full refund! Oh, but wait, there are strings attached. To recieve a full refund you are required to supply twenty rejection letters from schools around the world, and excessive detail on each one(what colour is the principals tie?). Along with handing in the letters, you then have to return all your texbooks, course materials and... course completion certificate? Yep, they make you give back your course certificate! Essentially making it seem like you never took the course at all! Although, I will say that if you go 0/20, maybe you're barking down the wrong career path.
Then, after all that, you can have your full refund (minus a $95 administration fee!).
It is nice to feel like I'm taking steps in the right direction, even if I'm not completely sure I am.
much love,
Sean
So, of those that actually cared, it may have been strange come the end of May and beginning of June, when all of the sudden it was no longer a topic of discussion - and the results of my months of interviewing never came to light. At this point it is pretty easy to put one and one together. It equals two. I didn't get the job.
It is an interesting thing to experience when the culmination of months of focus on an objective brings no resolve. I spent three months focused on one goal, only to have it turn out to be for not. I'm not bitter, but it really was an interesting experience. It felt like the floor had been taken out from under me, and I was just floating. Directionless.
I wonder what it feels like to accomplish a life long goal? I'm sure there is happiness in success - but to some small extent there must be a hole where before there was purpose.
There are several ways that you can react to this, I found out, and I think I went through them all in turn. The first, and most obvious, is to sulk. Here I was, rejected, and now had to go back and tell all the people I had it hyped to, that I had failed. That isn't easy, nor is it fun. Sulking isn't something I'm good at though, and as a consequence that phase didn't last too long. By nature I can be a bit of a brooder, pessimistic at times, and at other times openly cynical and sarcastic - but generally content to exist.
The second reaction was to try and patch the hole that had formed. When you spend every day waking up, antcipating what it will be like when you finally accomplish your objective - there forms this almost purpose driven quality to your life. Everything else you do day to day (good or bad) becomes almost irrelevant, as you are so future oriented. Then, all of the sudden the day to day was all I had again. There was no big thing on the horizon, the here and now took precident. Therefore, much like when I returned from South America, I began to cast around for something to focus my energies on - leading to the third reaction to rejection: what can I do differently?
I was forced to ask myself the question "Why the hell didn't I get it, and what can I do to make sure I don't fail again?" This, I guess is where I'm just starting to get into. Although I'm still waiting to hear back about volunteering in Africa, and have set all these goals for myself down the road - there is a part of me that wants to assess what went wrong, not simply move 0n to something else. And to be really honest, I think there were better qualified applicants. That is what went wrong.
That said, I did get VERY close to landing the position. As an idea of how close I got, they were so on the fence about me that it took them an extra two weeks to reply after my interview. Of all their recruiting stations in North America, I was one of about an average of two a year that ever gets called back for a second interview. Second interviews are not really a good thing, but it did mean they weren't ready to give up on me. So I was close, but still failed. How can I tip the scale for next time?
Short answer: self improvement.
In one of the most competitive ESL countries to teach in, I was a hair short of good enough. Therefore I think now is the time to take it upon myself to improve. They weren't wrong, I'm not a teacher. I'm a biology grad, and have very limited teaching experience. But, there is always hope!
As of this fall I believe I will enroll myself in a TESL course. It is happening in Waterloo come September, and takes place on weekends. These courses go over the basics of not only how to make English easier to teach as a second language and classroom dynamics when working with kids, but also application processes, interviewing techniques, cultural insights as well as supplying resources. Fantastic.
Pros: Teaching experience, looks good on a resume, one of the first things looked for during most ESL applications, close to home, accesible times, offer job finding support.
Cons: Expensive
As I see it, regardless of the price tag the course is worth it. Three Saturday and Sundays in a row for about 10 hours a day and the course is complete.
I don't expect the completion of this course to override any of my other existing goals though. I view it as a tac on to my personal aresenal that will let me have the experiences I seem to be craving these days. I still want to do everything on my short list, but this sounds like an excellent tool in helping me accomplish that goal - and maybe even direct me to doing something I might enjoy as more than a passing thing.
On a funny note, if the course doesn't get you a job within six months of taking it they offer a full refund! Oh, but wait, there are strings attached. To recieve a full refund you are required to supply twenty rejection letters from schools around the world, and excessive detail on each one(what colour is the principals tie?). Along with handing in the letters, you then have to return all your texbooks, course materials and... course completion certificate? Yep, they make you give back your course certificate! Essentially making it seem like you never took the course at all! Although, I will say that if you go 0/20, maybe you're barking down the wrong career path.
Then, after all that, you can have your full refund (minus a $95 administration fee!).
It is nice to feel like I'm taking steps in the right direction, even if I'm not completely sure I am.
much love,
Sean
Tuesday, July 6, 2010
Positive Feedback
Today I think I broke my record for the sleepiest I've ever been for consecutive hours. Know the burning feeling you get behind your eyes when you are stupidly tired? You know that 7am-on-a-Saturday and you forgot to turn the alarm off -drowsy. Where you curse yourself for being so dumb as to not turn off the alarm and spend the next four hours tossing and turning until finally dragging your ass out of bed.
I feel like I've been spending a lot of my awake time with that feeling recently. Today's tired fesitivities were the culmination of both a) 11 pm hockey last night and b) somehow getting myself out of bed this morning and getting dressed to find out I had another hour until my alarm was supposed to buzz. Which, in truth, is a very mixed blessing. You're so very happy for the windfall of the extra hour before truly having to activate, but know very clearly that no sleep over that next hour will be meaningful in any way shape or form.
I think more than anything though, this permanent hazy mental state I find myself in recently is because I've just been awake a lot more. And, I think, for an incredibly good reason. From shortly after I wake up during the work week my day basically belongs to my employer until five. Now although this is pretty standard, it can be an eternity when you're not overly enthused about the prospect of straddling the chair in your office for the next eight and half hours. Great company, great employer - but I'm not an office worker. Therefore, the closest I can equivilate my mental state to when I walk out those office doors at five is a jail break at a prison. Get out, and maximize all the time you can before they find you and bring you back.
So I find myself monday through friday staying up until one or two in the am and as a consequence wake up sleepy everyday. And, after I muddle through the work day on a cocktail of rice crispies and coffee, by the time days end rolls around I'm just finding some energy! So then you stay awake later again, wake up sleepy, rinse and repeat. To give it the biochemical terminology, it's a pretty heavy positive feedback cycle.
So why not rest on the weekends to get some energy back? Hell no, I'm not devoting my time on my two free days to gain energy for my prison term. Hilarious idea, though.
I just wonder how many people live the same as me in the regard? Stay up late to avoid work, go to work tired and under preform. Hate work because you're under preforming and tired, and then stay up late again because you don't want to go back to work in the morning.
I feel like if I don't get out of my cycle now I might never do it. A lot like kinetic and static friction... I feel like getting started in the right direction is the hardest part, but once I get moving it'll be easier to maintain.
Think about it, let me know. It has to be more common than just me, anyone else live like this? I know there are enough people who hate thier job that I can't be the only one.
As an aside, someone brought it up to me yesterday that 'we' (people my age) are often reminded that youth is wasted on the young. However, I'm not sure we are trying to waste it... I just wonder if we're not aware of all the options available to us.
Now, I need a vacation so I can quit coffee, again, for the fifth time.
Peace in the east,
Much love,
Sean
I feel like I've been spending a lot of my awake time with that feeling recently. Today's tired fesitivities were the culmination of both a) 11 pm hockey last night and b) somehow getting myself out of bed this morning and getting dressed to find out I had another hour until my alarm was supposed to buzz. Which, in truth, is a very mixed blessing. You're so very happy for the windfall of the extra hour before truly having to activate, but know very clearly that no sleep over that next hour will be meaningful in any way shape or form.
I think more than anything though, this permanent hazy mental state I find myself in recently is because I've just been awake a lot more. And, I think, for an incredibly good reason. From shortly after I wake up during the work week my day basically belongs to my employer until five. Now although this is pretty standard, it can be an eternity when you're not overly enthused about the prospect of straddling the chair in your office for the next eight and half hours. Great company, great employer - but I'm not an office worker. Therefore, the closest I can equivilate my mental state to when I walk out those office doors at five is a jail break at a prison. Get out, and maximize all the time you can before they find you and bring you back.
So I find myself monday through friday staying up until one or two in the am and as a consequence wake up sleepy everyday. And, after I muddle through the work day on a cocktail of rice crispies and coffee, by the time days end rolls around I'm just finding some energy! So then you stay awake later again, wake up sleepy, rinse and repeat. To give it the biochemical terminology, it's a pretty heavy positive feedback cycle.
So why not rest on the weekends to get some energy back? Hell no, I'm not devoting my time on my two free days to gain energy for my prison term. Hilarious idea, though.
I just wonder how many people live the same as me in the regard? Stay up late to avoid work, go to work tired and under preform. Hate work because you're under preforming and tired, and then stay up late again because you don't want to go back to work in the morning.
I feel like if I don't get out of my cycle now I might never do it. A lot like kinetic and static friction... I feel like getting started in the right direction is the hardest part, but once I get moving it'll be easier to maintain.
Think about it, let me know. It has to be more common than just me, anyone else live like this? I know there are enough people who hate thier job that I can't be the only one.
As an aside, someone brought it up to me yesterday that 'we' (people my age) are often reminded that youth is wasted on the young. However, I'm not sure we are trying to waste it... I just wonder if we're not aware of all the options available to us.
Now, I need a vacation so I can quit coffee, again, for the fifth time.
Peace in the east,
Much love,
Sean
Sunday, July 4, 2010
A Gratuitous Introduction
So I've been looking for a place to vent for awhile.
I don't really want to write to anyone specifically and furthermore I don't really want to write anywhere where I'll have to read it myself. Lucky for me, as a young man of this technological age, I have options.
Internet listens. Thanks, Internet.
I realize I set this blog up as a travel blog - and unfortunately am currently all dressed up with nowhere to be. Sad tale, eh? However, I have plans and dreams and ideas that won't be snuffed. Will NOT be snuffed.
I guess the rut I find myself in now is the culmination of several months of build up. I find myself in a job I can't foresee myself in long term, with plans that are tangible yet hard in execution. That is not to say that I couldn't get it done, but of course, there are factors. The first of course, being money. The second being family. I'm not saying my family would stop me, but it sure is hard to justify to your parents that you want to run across the world when you're living in thier basement.
I was recently told a phrase that kind of caused a mini paradigm shift in my thought processes. Upon speaking to my wise sisters they were telling me the different ways of thinking that people from opposite ends of the world seem to have.
They told me that everyone they had met from Australia worked jobs, and did thier day to day activities to live. Work to Live. Then they proceeded to slap me in the face with the reality of the way North Americans think: Live to work. Is this not true?
You buy a car to get you to your job. You work that job to save money to buy a house. You buy that house close to work to make it easier to get to. North Americans live to work. Think about it. How many times were you told that you couldn't get a career without schooling? The sole purpose of school is to get the career, so you can work till you're sixty five. Then you can have fun. I'm not sure I want to have all my fun when I'm too slow to enjoy it.
Now try explaining this to your cohorts when you're twenty two and just spent thousands on a university education. I swear people have been looking at me like I have two heads when I've been trying to explain that I don't want the career, the condo and the three kids. Not yet anyways.
Now before you write me off as a low-life hippy, I'll state that I'm not opposed to having to work in my life in order to survive. Work is a necessity. Money is a necessity.
That said, why can't work be more than a job? Why can't work be an experience? Thus begins my quest to not avoid work, but perhaps do what I have been told is truely impossible, and find happiness in a job. I'm not without talents, and I'm not without education - and although I've been told I lack drive in my life - I'm not without ambitions.
Therefore I pledge to all the readers of this blog (me editing?), I will be out of this country by the end of the year. I will find something I enjoy doing and attempt to make it work for me. Hell, I don't even have to enjoy it, I'm just going to do new things. I may not get rich following this course, but I once heard in a song "maybe happiness is wealthy, if you spell it right". Take this how you want, but the way I see it, wealthiness is a self described feeling, not a monetary value. Maybe it is in the most literal of senses.
I actually am kind of incredulous when I watch myself type out these words. A year ago today I was still fairly new at my current place of employment. I may not have known much about the field, or have overly enjoyed myself doing it. But, I was employed. I was fresh out of university and already had a job that had future possibilities. I felt really good, the world was my oyster. So why when we step a year forward am I so drastically different. How come every day of work is a punch in the head. Why has the previously vivid colours of Canada seemed to have turned to rather muted tones.
I can say, simply, it is because I got a taste of the world. Last November, on a whim, plans were put in motion to go to South America. There were two reasons for why this trip happened suddenly - one being that my oldest sister had always dreamed of seeing Peru and I was more than happy to step out of my bubble. And secondly, some Australian exchange students to whom my sisters had become pretty solid acquaintences with were also making thier way down there for several months and we had the opportunity to traverse a good part of the trip with them.
It is also fair to mention that being a suck as I am, I had developed a pretty big crush on one of the Aussies, and thus was more than obliged to jump into pot when her name was dropped as an attendee.
Fair to say, I didn't just step out of my bubble, my bubble popped. Something about the whole trip was so freeing, liberating, and dare I say character building? I have not been the same since.
It truly was an eye opener, no doubt about that. All the vistas were breathtaking, and all the people had thier own story (some longer than others). Besides learning how fast I could run up a mountain with an Argentinian, I also learned that I would never truely be happy sitting at a desk until I'm sixty five. Not in the short term anyways.
Returning home was gut wrenching, and sad to say I became desperate for an escape - literally applying for anything and everything I could to make distance between home and myself. Home hadn't changed in my absence, hadn't become less hospitable. I, however, had changed, I was no longer looking for the old fix of routine and stability. And, despite so many nay-sayers, was very loud and opinionated about where I wanted to be in the upcoming years. Ad nausea. Sorry guys.
Now you might be asking why if I applied to so many places am I not already buying my plane ticket to leave? Well, you see it's not so easy. Some I wasn't qualified for, some I applied too late for, some I added to my mental list of things to do, and some I'm still waiting on. Therefore I am going to officially make a list of what/where I want to do/see in the near future (couple years).
- Teach English in a foreign country. I may have been turned down for Japan, but Korea may be in my future - and experience breeds opportunities later.
- Tree plant in Western Canada. Despite all the people telling me why I shouldn't do this, the few that had the guts to tell me why I should had much more convincing arguments.
- Somehow traverse a country by WWOOFing at different locations as I go along. Meet the people, save the planet.
- Go to Japan. I WILL be in Japan soon. Man I want to go there so bad. And as a tack on I want to backpack Asia as well.
- Volunteer in Africa. I am currently waiting to hear back on a position I applied for. Things looks good. And perhaps climb Mt. Kilamanjaro while there.
- Work Visa in Australia. The visa costs $200, the experience lasts me forever.
That is my short list. Those are my goals. As an idea of where I currently stand - I'm basically just going through the motions. I'm working my job without (audible) complaint, and saving money while waiting for a life changing reply from a man named Andy.
I have mountainous dreams that I believe to be about as high as this rut I'm in is deep - and maybe, just maybe if things turn out right I might just find myself back on some level ground.
This blog was very long, and I'm going to try and keep them shorter in the future.
Much Love,
Sean
I don't really want to write to anyone specifically and furthermore I don't really want to write anywhere where I'll have to read it myself. Lucky for me, as a young man of this technological age, I have options.
Internet listens. Thanks, Internet.
I realize I set this blog up as a travel blog - and unfortunately am currently all dressed up with nowhere to be. Sad tale, eh? However, I have plans and dreams and ideas that won't be snuffed. Will NOT be snuffed.
I guess the rut I find myself in now is the culmination of several months of build up. I find myself in a job I can't foresee myself in long term, with plans that are tangible yet hard in execution. That is not to say that I couldn't get it done, but of course, there are factors. The first of course, being money. The second being family. I'm not saying my family would stop me, but it sure is hard to justify to your parents that you want to run across the world when you're living in thier basement.
I was recently told a phrase that kind of caused a mini paradigm shift in my thought processes. Upon speaking to my wise sisters they were telling me the different ways of thinking that people from opposite ends of the world seem to have.
They told me that everyone they had met from Australia worked jobs, and did thier day to day activities to live. Work to Live. Then they proceeded to slap me in the face with the reality of the way North Americans think: Live to work. Is this not true?
You buy a car to get you to your job. You work that job to save money to buy a house. You buy that house close to work to make it easier to get to. North Americans live to work. Think about it. How many times were you told that you couldn't get a career without schooling? The sole purpose of school is to get the career, so you can work till you're sixty five. Then you can have fun. I'm not sure I want to have all my fun when I'm too slow to enjoy it.
Now try explaining this to your cohorts when you're twenty two and just spent thousands on a university education. I swear people have been looking at me like I have two heads when I've been trying to explain that I don't want the career, the condo and the three kids. Not yet anyways.
Now before you write me off as a low-life hippy, I'll state that I'm not opposed to having to work in my life in order to survive. Work is a necessity. Money is a necessity.
That said, why can't work be more than a job? Why can't work be an experience? Thus begins my quest to not avoid work, but perhaps do what I have been told is truely impossible, and find happiness in a job. I'm not without talents, and I'm not without education - and although I've been told I lack drive in my life - I'm not without ambitions.
Therefore I pledge to all the readers of this blog (me editing?), I will be out of this country by the end of the year. I will find something I enjoy doing and attempt to make it work for me. Hell, I don't even have to enjoy it, I'm just going to do new things. I may not get rich following this course, but I once heard in a song "maybe happiness is wealthy, if you spell it right". Take this how you want, but the way I see it, wealthiness is a self described feeling, not a monetary value. Maybe it is in the most literal of senses.
I actually am kind of incredulous when I watch myself type out these words. A year ago today I was still fairly new at my current place of employment. I may not have known much about the field, or have overly enjoyed myself doing it. But, I was employed. I was fresh out of university and already had a job that had future possibilities. I felt really good, the world was my oyster. So why when we step a year forward am I so drastically different. How come every day of work is a punch in the head. Why has the previously vivid colours of Canada seemed to have turned to rather muted tones.
I can say, simply, it is because I got a taste of the world. Last November, on a whim, plans were put in motion to go to South America. There were two reasons for why this trip happened suddenly - one being that my oldest sister had always dreamed of seeing Peru and I was more than happy to step out of my bubble. And secondly, some Australian exchange students to whom my sisters had become pretty solid acquaintences with were also making thier way down there for several months and we had the opportunity to traverse a good part of the trip with them.
It is also fair to mention that being a suck as I am, I had developed a pretty big crush on one of the Aussies, and thus was more than obliged to jump into pot when her name was dropped as an attendee.
Fair to say, I didn't just step out of my bubble, my bubble popped. Something about the whole trip was so freeing, liberating, and dare I say character building? I have not been the same since.
It truly was an eye opener, no doubt about that. All the vistas were breathtaking, and all the people had thier own story (some longer than others). Besides learning how fast I could run up a mountain with an Argentinian, I also learned that I would never truely be happy sitting at a desk until I'm sixty five. Not in the short term anyways.
Returning home was gut wrenching, and sad to say I became desperate for an escape - literally applying for anything and everything I could to make distance between home and myself. Home hadn't changed in my absence, hadn't become less hospitable. I, however, had changed, I was no longer looking for the old fix of routine and stability. And, despite so many nay-sayers, was very loud and opinionated about where I wanted to be in the upcoming years. Ad nausea. Sorry guys.
Now you might be asking why if I applied to so many places am I not already buying my plane ticket to leave? Well, you see it's not so easy. Some I wasn't qualified for, some I applied too late for, some I added to my mental list of things to do, and some I'm still waiting on. Therefore I am going to officially make a list of what/where I want to do/see in the near future (couple years).
- Teach English in a foreign country. I may have been turned down for Japan, but Korea may be in my future - and experience breeds opportunities later.
- Tree plant in Western Canada. Despite all the people telling me why I shouldn't do this, the few that had the guts to tell me why I should had much more convincing arguments.
- Somehow traverse a country by WWOOFing at different locations as I go along. Meet the people, save the planet.
- Go to Japan. I WILL be in Japan soon. Man I want to go there so bad. And as a tack on I want to backpack Asia as well.
- Volunteer in Africa. I am currently waiting to hear back on a position I applied for. Things looks good. And perhaps climb Mt. Kilamanjaro while there.
- Work Visa in Australia. The visa costs $200, the experience lasts me forever.
That is my short list. Those are my goals. As an idea of where I currently stand - I'm basically just going through the motions. I'm working my job without (audible) complaint, and saving money while waiting for a life changing reply from a man named Andy.
I have mountainous dreams that I believe to be about as high as this rut I'm in is deep - and maybe, just maybe if things turn out right I might just find myself back on some level ground.
This blog was very long, and I'm going to try and keep them shorter in the future.
Much Love,
Sean
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