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Hello. I'm Sean and I live in Japan. I'm glad you've come because I need you to do something for me.

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Sunday, May 6, 2012

I'm a Cof-fiend and Why I Must Work For

Hey! Monday post, yeah!  I'm one for one.

I've done almost absolutely nothing for the last nine days.  This is the direct result of having a lot of time, little money and no work.  Golden week just happened, and I didn't go anywhere.  I was in Nagoya.

As a result, I decided to utilize my time between sleeping and drinking to get some things that I needed.  In order of acquisition, I got a new desk, some new sunglasses, and a coffee maker.  In order of importance, I got a coffee maker and who cares what else.

I've been experimenting with my new device, and have since learned how to make a sludgy concoction as dark as the night.  I call it my home brew, and it won't  put hair on your chest, but instead sizzle it off in a dramatic display of weird science.  In a way I am a little sad that I can drink coffee at home now, as I hadn't realized what a big part of my day going to the coffee shop had become.  It was a great place to creepily people watch from behind my book.

So with all my free time at home now, I have returned my attention to the business of the Stanley Cup Playoffs.  My mourning period for the beleaguered underdogs of Ottawa has passed, and I have regrouped my wits to reassert my zealous fandom towards Washington and their struggle to defeat the very team that killed my precious Sens.

I'm not sure when it happened, but the NHL's website has officially been promoted to the status of 'out of hand'.  I've been frequenting that website for the past four years, and the steps towards ridiculousness must have been so gradual that no one could have noticed until it was too late.  And in that moment of realization, of true and utter hopelessness, I realized my true calling.  As if from trumpets on high, I knew that it is inevitable: I  must become a writer for

I'm talking about the puns of course.  Every single NHL article written now hides behind a title laced with bad taste.  They all follow a very simple formula too: name, hyphen and word fragment.  For example, my blogs can only be deemed Sean-sational!  Get the picture?

Now you see why I must work for them.  I've been doing bad puns since I could talk.  In university, my roommate and I sat in our kitchen and riddled off bad fish puns for a half hour on a snowy evening.  It was a halib-good time, even though I got the feeling he was pickerel-ing on me.  I even slipped one in the title

So that's it, I'm immediately going to focus all future efforts towards becoming a template writer for  From what I've seen, you don't even need to be good, or know stats, or have any idea who players are.  It also helps to talk about the mid-second period in the first paragraph, then transition into the late game to finally conclude with a recount of goal that had no bearing on anything during the mid-first.  Unless the title writing position is its own gig, then I'll just do that and have a coffee.

I decided to try my hand at a title pun for a front page tab.  Just imagine it is Christmas or something.  I'll also add in some annotations.
Also thanks to those that read my last post, and send me some good ideas on what to do.  You can view those challenges by click on the tab to the right of the screen.  If you have yet to give me any good ideas, then do so now.

Thanks for reading,

Much Love,



  1. I can't believe I'm saying this... but if you write for NH I might check the highlights as often as Pat does...

  2. I can't believe I'm saying this... but if you write for NH I might check the highlights as often as Pat does...